World Diabetes Day was almost blackout day for me…

14 11 2016


Look at the picture again, and you’d think that everyone is smiling happily post-workout. Little would you know that I’m on the verge of blacking out, a little breathless and couldn’t stand for another minute longer. It’s much scarier in real life and words can’t really describe it sufficiently well.

And that’s the sneakiness of diabetes – seeping the hypoglycaemia (low blood sugar) and hyperglycaemia (high blood sugar) quickly yet silently into your life. 

All we can do is try our best to manage them, 24/7 even during our sleep. Frustrating at times when doing your best doesn’t mean you get the outcome you want. 

To cut to the chase, there are two things that this post hopes to achieve:

1. Awareness to Diabetes 

Yesterday (13 Nov) was World Diabetes Day and today is the birthday of Sir Frederick Grant Banting, who was the first physician who used insulin on humans – essentially the medicine that is keeping me alive this moment. 

But I digress. 

As in previous posts that I’ve sporadically written on this topic before, there are different types of diabetes. Types 1 and 2 – differing in its cause, medical treatment and severity. 

For simplicity, here’s one article to get you started to understanding what it’s like to live with it – not too different from healthy individuals. 

In summary, not all diabetic patients are diagnosed because they’re fat, they’ve eaten too much sugar, or inherited it from their ancestors. Suffice to say, some get it while pregnant, some due to a virus attack on their pancreas, others due to obesity-related or age-related issues etc. 

While it hasn’t been a problem for me to use my needles in public, there are those who refuse to do so for fear of embarrassment or being judged. My dear friends, there is nothing wrong with self-injections. In fact, it helps educate others who may not be exposed to such norms we practise multiple times daily. 

With the government focusing more on raising awareness and educating the public on diabetes, all the more we should spread the word and support the community and help others be more health conscious and prevent cases that can be avoided! 

2. Appreciating Life After Near Death Experience

It wasn’t that obvious but it certainly gave me a good scare. With black patches in my vision, lack of energy and breathlessness – something I have never experienced before – I knew that I’ve pushed myself too hard. Too stubborn to stop and treat myself before continuing on. 

And this is why I’ve learnt to appreciate life once again (the other time being the night I was sent to the A&E just before diagnosis)

With the hustle and bustle of life, sometimes we overlook the more important factors – be it family, friends or health. 

As my vision blurred and strength leaving my body, it reminded me of my loved ones. How I’ve yet to fully express my love and gratitude for the wonderful life they’ve given me. 

It’s different for everyone but let’s take some time, at least once a week, to appreciate everything and everyone around us. Be it family, friends, nature, our home and a roof above our heads, basic necessities like food and clothing, lessons we get out of life. 

Remember to appreciate yourself too – your mind, body and soul! 

It’s a long post, probably an outpouring of words after the long hiatus from random thoughts and writing. Off to look for the supermoon tonight! 🌕


Meds I can’t live without

7 02 2013

Meds I can't live without

It’s been a decade since these became a part of my life, so I just wanted to commemorate this day – Feb 7. Also serves as a reminder to keep optimistic and look at the brighter side of life (:

lonely beyond lonely

3 08 2011

lonely dog

yes, i do actually think that there’s a deeper level of loneliness than lonely itself.

imagine feeling lonely even in the midst of people you do know, or those who you talk more than occasionally, people whom others label as your friends but you still feel that sense of distance.

i think i might be experiencing it again.

this time though, i think it’s just me.

i used to harp on the fact that i have trust issues – easily trust people in the beginning but never fully giving my trust, not even myself i think.

i guess it’s normal that everyone has their own deepest secret, or something that they don’t want others to know but i think something’s wrong if i’m feeling so much so that loneliness doesn’t seem quite right a word to describe it.

i mean, i have friends who i catch up with at times, those i’m really close with, those who i HTHT to but deep down, i think i still feel distanced, that something’s lacking.

idk what it is, what i’m looking for, what i want to find but it’s been bugging me for awhile now.

it might be due to my dwelling on my future, the fact that the new term is starting or something else – i can’t quite put a finger to it yet.

but on the other hand, i feel so tired to be bothered  by it, mentally and/or emotionally.

and it is probably what’s making me feel this sense of ‘loneliness’  because somehow, the fact that i can’t pinpoint what exactly the problem is, i can’t relate it to pretty much everyone else.

no solutions for this one and till then, i’ll just have to reflect on it :/

after reading a few of the related articles, i do feel a little better.

at least i know that this feeling is not uncommon – it’s natural in fact.

and yes, i am putting some effort into talking to new people (aka. freshmen) and hopefully to be able to hang out with the seniors too.

and the more important thing is to find out what’s missing in my life that’s making me feel this way – find the root of the problem eh.

maybe it’s also a temporary thing since i’ve moved back to hall after 3 months of well-fed, well-taken-care-of life at home. so in a way it’s a “new” environment again?

well, we’ll see how it goes.

i’ll be fine,  no worries! (:

Money or dreams – I’d rather wealth

20 07 2011

wealth to me as well-being

Had a college class reunion – sorta – last night and it was great catching up, especially with the guys joining the girls at university come next semester.

What I want to talk about though is more towards the long-term perspective of our degree scrolls.

Got to have a nice long chat with one of my ex-classmates – hi fish! – and realized something that has been bugging me for quite a while now is not an uncommon situation.

As we know, come graduation, we’ll have to start planning for the future ahead – what jobs to look for, what kind of salary to expect, what do we have to do now to land the jobs of our dreams etc.

And this question popped up in the minds of most of the people I’ve talked to about this – whether to pursue our dreams or to go the practical route with high-paying-but-not-what-we-love-doing kind of job.

I think I managed to convince myself of what I’m going to work towards but I thought I’d just share it here to help you through your thinking process.

Firstly, ask yourself this – what is your LIFE goal?

As I’ve already said, I’m not referring to the short-term ones here but rather, what do you really want to get out of your life given the freedom to do whatever you want/can.

Well, it could be to lead a simple and happy life or to work hard till you reach the peak of a particular career that you’ve been eyeing on forever – whatever it is, note it down.

If you observe, different goals will call for different measures to work towards achieving them.

But once you’ve decided on that, everything else should come naturally. Let me explain.

Your life goal(s) should be the motivating factor for most of your decisions. Say you want to become a psychologist to be a counsellor in order to help others in need through therapy. In this case, you would have chosen to major in psychology in school and planning to do your Masters in Psychology because only from that educational level can you be a practicing psychologist. And if you haven’t had the supposed plans obtained, then you can start looking towards Plan B or C or however many different plans until you attain your goal.

Let me remind you though – I didn’t say that it would be easy. Honestly speaking, nothing comes easy. What I’m trying to emphasize here is that we shouldn’t give in simply because the going gets tough, but rather, the tough gets going.

This way, I believe we can get wealth – in life.

To have loads of cash, to be practical and get a job that pays you well but you’re not doing what you want/love to do, it’s almost the same (or may I say it IS the same) as wasting your life away.

Wealth, to me, comes when I’m happy with my life – the job I have, the kind of life I’m leading – those are what matters to me most.

Then again, that’s because I’m choosing a goal of lifelong happiness rather than being at the top of my game.

So whichever the case it may be for you, think hard and think well.

If you’re in a dilemma like I still feel I am, struggling between what you’re good at and what you want to do, consider what you really want out of your life.

If you were given a day to do whatever you want, and that’s going to be your last and only day left in your life, what will you choose?

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

for others to love you, you need to love yourself first.

19 02 2011

Like a flower, it’s normal to be a standalone as a single stalk. But at the back of our minds, we know that a bouquet definitely looks much more beautiful together.

The same works for our interpersonal relationships, more prominently so for couples.

This is probably why I think my problem lies in – I find it difficult to love myself for who I am, or rather how I turned out.

And there is no one to blame, not even the Creator, but just the way things are – life’s unfair. It probably seems more unfair from my point of view because I’ve yet to find my strengths or good points yet.

Effectively, what this lack of love for oneself eventually results to is a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem (which is probably the main reason why I’d prefer typing over talking face-to-face).

In my own self-observation, and in no way related to any scientifically proven studies, that is what makes people notice you, when you’re confident of yourself.

Personal experiences taught me that when one has a lack of self-esteem, it’s difficult to be the initiator of conversations, the daring to speak out in a group, to be proactive in group activities etc. In some way, it’s neither individualistic nor collectivistic since both requires the people relationships.

Well, a simple Google search will lead you to many results, surprisingly or not. There’s even a Wikihow on steps to loving yourself here. To a certain extent, I believe that their steps do help in one way or another, which is probably why I’m keeping a blog too (see point 9)

I guess this is also more of a psychological issue rather than relationship management per se.

In summary, the Wikihow article is talking about how we should learn to see the value in ourselves, by self-affirmation such as hugs, taking action towards our goals, letting go and sharing and forgiving oneself of any thought that we are not worthy of love.

As I love to say, it’s always easier said than done. I myself, am going through that stage now, of trying to love myself and finding the value and worthiness I have.

In my previous posts or in my reflections, I’ve always believed that my life was never too lacking in love because of my loving family that I’m so fortunate to have. Yet, deep down inside, I know that something’s still not right because at my current age, I am still unable to communicate as well as I should be able to, and yes, I do blame it on my self-esteem issues.

We shouldn’t start the blame game, but what’s of more importance is that if we can find the root of the problem, it’s easier to try to solve the problem, or if it’s a problem at all.

In any case, those with such feelings or issues, and if you feel like sharing, please do – whether it’s on this platform or any other way. Although maybe the bulk of people may not experience what we’re going through, it helps if at least someone voices out and we know that we’re not alone (:

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