Lifelong Illnesses – The Struggle Is Real

1 06 2017

*P.S. this post will be quite long and is an extremely honest and vulnerable sharing. (Because some negativity needs to get out of the system sometimes). I understand that this may not be as bad compared to others, but we all just need that space to let it out once in a while.*

From the beginning, things already seem unfair when it is an autoimmune disease – when your cells decide to attack your own body.

It almost seems like your body wants to kill you, but decided to be evil and give you prolonged suffering instead. 

Why did this happen to me?

Why me? Why this? Why now? 

Those were some of the initial thoughts that probably kicked in, and likely to flash past my mind once in a while. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had this for more than 13 years and the going still gets tough.

I’ve seen friends with the same condition at extreme ends in terms of coping with it – those doing well and managing it #likeaboss versus the other end where nothing fazes them and they just couldn’t care anymore.

To be honest, I’ve probably been to both extremes and fluctuating between the extremities most of the time. And given the ‘vulgar’ term that our people detest hearing from the doctors, the fluctuating game is strong. 

Because you live with it 24/7, and life loves to take its own course, everything fluctuates. Emotions, blood glucose, related health issues.

Pair that with stress from the daily grind, it really takes a toll on your physical, emotional and mental well-being.

Worse still when all the problems hit you all at once. 

It’s not like you’re not trying, it’s not like you don’t want things to be right. But sometimes, your priorities are just different.

Time is limited, and you can be stretched only this much. Endless testing, impossible weighing of each gram of carbohydrate to be consumed, regular exercise to keep fit, time for work and any semblance of a social life, time for family and the list goes on. 

I don’t blame others for what’s happening, but it hurts and feels unfair to say that it’s entirely my fault when things don’t seem to go the right way. 

The fear that engulfs you knowing that things are going downhill and you need to change it, yet it’s so much easier said than done. 

The worry of not knowing what’s going to happen in future. Sometimes the thought is triggered in my mind: why do I have to think so far ahead when everything in the future seems so bleak? 

When sometimes it really feels as though dying young isn’t that bad after all. 

But stop.

We cannot be so self-centred. We cannot disappoint our loved ones and their hopes for us. There is more to life than what we’re going through right now; it’s difficult to see it now but we’ll get through it eventually. 

I came across this article today, and was impacted by it somehow. It reminded me that it’s God’s will and He has a plan for me. Even if there are non-believers, everything happens for a reason. Know that you are #notalone in this lifelong battle.
Whatever struggles we go through, He put us through it only because He knows that we can overcome them. 

We just got to trust in Him. Rely on Him for the strength to carry on. 

Don’t give up. 




4 responses

1 06 2017

I think it’s okay to be selfish, to think that you don’t want to go on anymore. It’s your life – yours and yours only. You can live to not disappoint others, your loved ones. But in the end, the only constant is yourself (or God, but I’m a non-believer so I’ll keep it to ‘yourself’). Your loved ones, they may still come and go in time. And their hopes and dreams for you, are their own selfish desires to want you to be around.

So live for yourself. Fight for yourself. And love yourself. It’s okay to be selfish, and to think selfish thoughts. It’s okay to pity yourself and the situation you are in. But don’t be too hard upon yourself when you think this way. Because it’s normal. Fight them, but don’t reject them. These thoughts are what makes you human, and what makes us humans.

And yes, don’t give up. You probably already found meaning to keep going forward. But sometimes, you just need to be reminded (by something, someone or yourself). Fluctuations are now part of your life. I know it sucks. And I’m grateful that you are holding on to life. At your lowest point, and at your worst episode, it’s okay grab hold on anyone and cling on them. You can fight alone, but you don’t have to. Go selfishly demand your loved ones to fight with you.

The best and worst has yet to come, but hey, that’s life. 🙂 So hang in there buddy.

– Kenneth

Liked by 1 person

2 06 2017

Thanks Kenneth! Will always rmb your words, really wise advice! 👍😊


3 06 2017
The Boyish Life

Hey dear. Louis here (this is my new blog – by the way).

Thank you for this post. And I want to know that it is very inspiration. I have the same problem – no the exact same one – but I understand roughly how it feels and wanted you to know that you’re not alone and your friends and family are rooting for you.

Always remember this is your space and you can say anything you like. I hope to stay strong always and be that inspirational person – despite the rough days because it stops at least for a while. You are more than just your illness. Let me end this with a Grey’s Anatomy quote:

“There comes a point where it all becomes too much. When we get too tired to fight anymore. So we give up. That’s when real work begins: to find hope where there seems to be absolutely none at all.” – Christina Yang.

Love always,
Louis Tyler Sim

Liked by 1 person

3 06 2017

Let’s keep it up together Louis! 💪💪
And yes, I’m glad to have this space to truly speak my mind whenever I need to.

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going!

Let’s cheer each other on as we go through this arduous journey and come out stronger yeah! 🤗

Liked by 1 person

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